:: Start
You’re walking through the school hallway when you hear a *wet slurping sound* behind the lockers.
Could it be...
A **Toe Goblin**?
You forgot your Goblin Goggles. You’re completely unprepared.
What do you do?
[[Run toward the sound while screaming “FOR SCIENCE!”]]
[[Throw your emergency pudding cup as a distraction]]
[[Hide inside a janitor’s mop bucket and hope for the best]]You charge into the slurping sound like a fearless, slightly unhinged scientist.
Unfortunately, the Toe Goblin was waiting with a sock cannon.
You are immediately blasted with damp gym socks from 2003.
Everything smells like regret.
[[Try again|Start]]The Goblin gasps.
“BUTTERSCOTCH?!”
He forgets his evil plan and begins licking the pudding off the walls.
You tiptoe past him while holding your breath.
Nice job.
[[Advance to the Goblin Lair]]You hop into the bucket and pull the mop over your head.
You immediately regret this.
The mop was recently used to clean up after the cafeteria’s Mystery Meat Sludge Explosion.
You now smell worse than the Goblin.
The Goblin walks by, pauses, sniffs, and mutters, “Respect.”
[[Try again|Start]]You enter the Goblin Lair—actually, it’s just the boy’s bathroom with glow sticks and ominous flute music.
There are toe-shaped footprints on the walls.
Suddenly, a goblin leaps out and shrieks, “WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?”
You:
[[Guess “Toenails Forever!”]]
[[Say nothing and offer him a coupon for free nachos]]
[[Sneeze violently and fall backward into the urinal]]The goblin gasps. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!”
He hands you a rusty key covered in glitter and does a backflip out of the room.
You now have access to the Secret Sock Chamber™.
Whatever that means.
[[Enter the Secret Sock Chamber]]The goblin accepts the coupon, nods solemnly, and vanishes in a puff of cheese dust.
A door opens behind him. You hesitate, but curiosity wins.
You step through... into the **Toe Goblin Lounge**.
It smells like old pretzels and misplaced ambition.
[[Look around the Lounge]]Your heroic sneeze echoes through the chamber.
The goblin freezes. “That… that was the *ancient sneeze of summoning.*”
A disco ball drops from the ceiling. Funk music starts playing.
“You are now our leader,” the goblin declares.
You’re too stunned (and mildly grossed out) to object.
[[Accept your new position as Goblin Commander]]The chamber is filled with glowing socks—levitating, spinning, whispering ancient goblin secrets like:
"Never trust a possum in plaid."
You reach the center and find a **Golden Toenail** mounted on a pedestal.
You lift it carefully...
And suddenly, you're standing back in the school hallway, holding a certificate:
**"This certifies you as an Official Arlo Fink Society Goblin Tracker, 3rd Class (Honorary)."**
You smile. You did it.
**YOU WIN.**
[[Print your Goblin Society Badge|End]]The Toe Goblin Lounge is both majestic and confusing.
One goblin is playing ping pong with a grilled cheese sandwich.
Another is hosting a TED Talk called *"Why Toenails Are Misunderstood."*
A tiny goblin in a monocle offers you a juice box.
You realize no one’s trying to destroy the school—they just want someone to listen.
You sit, you sip, and you learn.
**You didn’t win. But you definitely... bonded.**
[[Return to Reality (Slightly Smellier)|End]]The goblins lift you onto a throne made entirely of mismatched Crocs.
They chant your name—well, they *try*, but they’re goblins and it sounds more like "Blorf McWiggle."
They present you with the **Scroll of Eternal Stink** and a royal goblin sash made of duct tape and cheese wrappers.
Suddenly, you wake up in class, your head on your math book, a trail of drool glistening.
Was it a dream?
You check your backpack.
There’s a goblin sash inside.
**You may have just become royalty.**
[[Claim your Weird Victory|End]]Congratulations, adventurer.
You’ve survived the Toe Goblins (for now), earned the respect of at least one confused creature, and proven yourself Arlo Fink Society–material.
Now go wash your hands. Seriously.
Want to play again?
[[Start Over|Start]]